I Just Don't Get Medicare

I just don’t get Medicare. Or is it Medicaid? Wait, which is the one we should put in a lockbox? I can’t remember. While we’re at it, what’s a lockbox? Like so many other terms I hear the older kids say, I just don’t know what the big deal is about Medicare.

What I really don’t get is why every politician thinks it’s a major factor in my voting decision. It’s not. It’s really not. Perhaps I need some tutoring on this earth-shaking issue because I just don’t know why it’s soooooooooo important.

Is Medicare the reason gas is $4.00/gallon? Is Medicare why I am working so many hours without making a dent in my bills? If someone could connect those dots for me, I’d vote for him. Heck, I’d pass out buttons and kiss babies for him. That’s the problem with these candidates. When one of them goes off on their pet theory about Medicare, I tune out. I get that it’s expensive and I’ve heard for about two decades now that “it’ll be bankrupt in X number of years” unless we elect a “fiscally conservative President”. Or are we supposed to put “someone who’s looking out for the little guy” in charge to protect it from the “political friends” of the other guy? I dunno. I can’t keep it straight. Do me a favor fellas, just tell me which option will let me keep more of my paycheck at the end of the week.

To quote a movie: “what we have here is a failure to communicate.” I don’t know who advises the candidates but they should hire a translator. Presidential candidates must think we lie awake thinking about the GDP or the debt-ceiling or the political tensions between Libya and Yemen. We really don’t. We think about the last punchline we heard on Leno or Letterman. We think about how many hours of sleep we’ll have to get by on tomorrow if we fall asleep RIGHT now. We think about the creepy kid talking to our daughter. Politicians lie awake at night thinking about how to sound smarter than the other guy on these oh so important issues. Get some shut eye guys, you lost us already.

We’re not working on our Poli-Sci major. We’re wondering how many hours of OT we’re gonna have to put in to fix the car. Honestly, we don’t care to know more. Feel free to yuk it up with your pals as you discuss the virtues of NAFTA and NATO but don’t expect the rest of us to get your jokes. Do this for me, find a way for me to keep more of my paycheck, keep me safe at night while I’m trying to get some sleep and stay out of my personal business. If that means we need to export more Medicare to China to ease tension in the Middle East, then I’m all for it.